Depressed and Frustrated

No, nothing wrong with my work, relationship is still well, family has no problems. Only thing left is my skin. I have eczema since young. And recently, it just get worsen. Alot. I have been through many worst-condition. But it seem to get worsen each time. This time round, it happens again.

Serious scratch marks, inflammation with rashes, causing severe itchiness; you will just keep scratching. Results: scratch wounds, tearing of skin, causing bleeding and 'craters'. Yes, you can literally find holes, really holes with certain depth into my skin. Scarly? Hope i didnt scare you all.

During this super-bad period, i often find myself scratching hard, having frequent sleepless nights, often wake up to find my bedsheet with bloodstains. I hate bathing during this period. You can imagine the pain lah. When i see myself in the mirror, it just feel so bad, so demoralising, so depressing to see scars, holes, red spots, ALL over my body. It's so ugly, drawing unwanted attention when i go out, especially when rashes appear on my face. Over years, my skin has been thinning, so much so that it just tear with a few scratches.

Yes, i should be used to it since it has been with me for years. Honestly i am quite used to it. But the frustration, emotional disturbance are things you can't put it off. People wake up feeling fresh in the morning, feels good after a hot bath. But for me, neither is good and i can't do without any. I can't go swimming to get myself tanned, which i have been wanting to as i am really fair now.

I don't know whats really the problem to trigger the flare up. People ask me, often i have no answer; i eat normally and do normally. No change in lifestyle. I also want to know why and what caused it. Probably recent flare-up is due to prolong eating outside, long hours of wearing jeans or less airy clothes. Well, it's just all my guesses..

I really envy those with normal skin, makes them look good and feel good. Who don't want? Well, just hope i can recover soon.